This past class, one prompt regarding a personal essay asked: "What do you know you should write about but have been afraid to?"
All signs point towards writing about my experience at Drexel University - if not for any formal essay, then at least for my own benefit. Writing about past hardships in various journals has helped me organize and rationalize my thoughts, and even helped me come to a better place, far from feeling chained to past mistakes as I previously did. I often lose sight of how writing has helped me in this way, although I recently bought a notebook to use a journal for personal reflection of that sort.
In brief, I entered Drexel University as a Music Industry major. The first semester went okay - very well, in terms of grades - but I didn't really make any friends, largely due to social anxiety that felt paralyzing. The following winter break, I started to have doubts about continuing school. I returned to Drexel for the second quarter, but I was losing interest in pursuing the Music Industry major, and over the course of the quarter I basically lost motivation to finish any work. My lack of a social life and of motivation led to a relapse of depression, and I took a leave of absence from Drexel, from which I knew I probably wasn't going to return.
I transferred to Ramapo the following fall, and the past three semesters have respectively been good, okay, and the best semester of school I've ever had. I admit that I now sometimes feel the same lack of motivation that I felt at Drexel, for what feels like no good reason. However, I am going to try to work through it and gradually overcome anxieties to expand my comfort zone. If I feel truly unable, then there are options regarding bettering myself, which I guess I shouldn't feel bad about, because any and all of what I mentioned would be in favor of my happiness.
There's not much rational reason to feel bad about the future. I hope I can remember that. If there's one takeaway from Drexel, it would actually be the value of organizing time; I've realized that I feel a lot worse when stress of looming school-work is present. Therefore, if I avoid procrastinating not just school work but also other activities in favor of bettering myself, I hope I would feel better in general.
This is probably a bit much to put in a Creative Writing journal, but it was actually pretty helpful to get this all out. I'll see how all this goes, and in the meantime hope to get something else in this journal tonight.
Thanks for reading.
