It's been a somewhat rough semester so far. I knew from the start that it would be my busiest semester at Ramapo yet, and I'm not completely sure why work has been difficult and motivation has been hard to find, but I do know that I've always procrastinated.
It's an unfortunate truth about the way I've always worked, in school or anywhere. It's difficult for me to find motivation to do things until they absolutely need doing, which in school usually translates to finishing assignments the nights before they're due. Cramming the work in like that not only makes for less time to comfortably complete a given assignment, but also only increases the stress that I feel doing said assignment. One would think that avoiding stress would be enough motivation to avoid procrastination, but in a given moment of free time it feels to me like doing the work at all will be stressful; this might be true, but again the stress won't be nearly as bad as it will be if I continue to procrastinate.
This journal has honestly been difficult to keep up with; as four entries a week are expected and we're over a month into the semester, I'm obviously behind. I am taking initiative in one regard - seeking help with time management - but I definitely have the ability to do more, despite how hopeless stress may sometimes make work feel. I'm really not lying when I say that I enjoy writing and that writing has even helped me organize thoughts and figure out many parts of life, but I feel that a few things have gotten in the way of writing as regularly as I probably should.
I haven't been writing regularly in a long time. Up until the middle of high school, I wrote for fun now and then, and in some rough times in high school keeping a personal journal was very helpful in coming out of dark mindsets. After that, though, my comfort zone of activities shrunk to consisting mostly of video gaming and listening to metal music, besides spending time with friends. The existence of this comfort zone, as well as - I theorize - the fact that writing has become associated with school work, make writing (and some other things that would be helpful) hard to start. Once I start, I usually keep going for a decent amount of time and even enjoy the activity. I usually lose sight of that as I struggle to begin writing or working.
I realize I've been posting many personal concerns in this Creative Writing journal. While I feel they are related to school and writing, I could definitely have more fun with this journal if I let myself - and could have a less-bleak and more-presentable journal when it is to be checked. Again, the main issue I've had is starting writing or work, through an anxiety-driven desire to avoid stress.
If I write and work more regularly and in more spread-out time, I'm pretty sure it won't be as hard to keep up with school work. I really don't think I'm kidding myself by saying that. As for a practical plan, I think I'm going to start by trying to get at least one entry done a day until I'm caught up. Maybe I could even get in two entries on some days. I know I've had trouble sticking to plans like these before, but as my sister Kate told me, I'm 21 going on 22; now would definitely be a good time to get myself together.
